This your second installment of the five-part series that
summarizes my entire Get Your Ex Back method. You should be
receiving installments every few days from now on.
If you have not downloaded your FREE Report eBook "Dr. Love's
5 Step Plan for Reconciling With Your Ex", use the link below.
I also suggest you watch the six corresponding videos for this
program, which have different content, on YouTube at:
Find out more about Dr. Love's Relationship Rescue Kit at:
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Win Your Ex Back Step 2: Letting The Dust Settle
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This is the stage of my program that just might the hardest to
do because it involves, well, doing nothing. This will
require self-control and discipline. If you feel you don't
have much in the way of those qualities right now, it's time
to develop them.
I understand that you have a burning desire that is screaming
for some action. And here I am promising I can help get your
ex back, and I'm telling you to stop?! Why can't we get on
with this and get some results?
Well, except for one little exercise I'm going to give you, I
promise you that your best course of action at this point
concerning your ex is inaction.
Don't give in to your urge to call, text, email, leave
comments on Facebook, show up unannounced, drive by his or her
house or neighborhood, and so on and so forth. Avoid your ex
at all costs.
And don't give in to any provocations on your ex's part,
either. If your ex contacts you in any way, especially a
negative way, don't engage, don't take the bait. Be the bigger
person and walk away.
There are many reasons for this pause. The first is that you
still have to get a grip on your number one enemy in this
situation, which is, quite simply, that burning desire I just
spoke of.
To put it another way, I've also called this phase of the
process the "cool your jets" stage, indicating your need to
calm down, cool off, and get yourself together, to gather the
resolve and patience you're going to need to see the
reconciliation process through to the finish line.
Revving your rocket engines up at this point is only likely to
get you in more trouble. In my couple's counseling practice
over the years I've seen most of the worst mistakes made at
this point than any other.
When the wound is fresh and passions run high is when we say
and do the stupidest things. It's also when we're most likely
to fall into the same old relationship patterns that got us in
trouble in the first place.
A relationship cannot be reconciled until it breaks out of
these old patterns.
And don't forget, your ex's passions are also turbo charged
right now. Your ex has a lot invested in the decision to break
up and is just waiting for the right reason to completely
write you off forever. This makes for a very volatile
situation.
One false move at this point and you could blow all your
future chances of winning your ex back for good.
Now, when I tell you to do nothing, of course I'm only talking
about actions that involve your ex. This is so you can free up
time and space for you to focus on the real work you have to
do, which is not on your ex, but on yourself.
This is when you study more closely those Relationship
Essential Nutrients I talked about in step one, and take the
time to understand just what it will take to reconcile your
relationship and formulate a plan based on that knowledge.
Finally, this is when you realize that your greatest tool is
not smooth lines or fancy gifts or romantic movie antics that
only work in the movies.
The secret, if ever there was one, in getting your ex back
lies only in rekindling the love that was there to begin with
but is now buried.
This process absolutely must begin with taking care of
yourself in order to make yourself attractive to your ex again.
Now, to get started on that path, here's the one and only
contact you can make with your ex at this point in the
reconciliation process: Via email, text, or voicemail message
(yes, I mean call when you know that you can't talk live!) let
your ex know that you've been thinking it over and you're
beginning to realize why he/she was so unhappy and felt that
breaking up was the only answer.
If you were the one who left, simply say you see things so
much more clearly now than you did before, and you realize the
part you played in the failure of the relationship.
Leave it at that. That will plant the seed you want to see
grow.
In the next installment we talk about how to restore your self-esteem --
your number one tool in reviving your ex's attraction to you -- which has
been wrecked by the pain of the breakup.
—Jamie Turndorf, PhD.
P.S. Dr. Love's Relationship Rescue Kit includes "Make Up
Don't Break Up: Dr. Love's 5 Step Plan for Reconciling With
Your Ex," plus 8 bonus workbooks. Use this link to get the
whole kit NOW:
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